Sister Nancy-Marie of Jesus 
                                

The house that my family lived in when I was a child was six houses down from the back entrance to the cemetery. The beginning of this entrance was filled with evergreen trees and in the middle was a field filled with wild flowers. My mother would have been less than pleased if she had known that this was my playground.

I would watch the butterflies and grasshoppers and listen to the gentle breeze pass through the trees and feel it caress my face and whisper in my ears. The scent of the wild flowers and the sounds filled my senses and I thought this must be what heaven was like. There was an incredibly beautiful weeping willow tree just before the main entrance. This was my hermitage. I had my very own entrance to crawl through and was able to climb up to the first limb because it hung low enough for me to reach. This was my secret place, a place where I could be alone with God and share with Him and our Blessed Mother Mary, all my fears, hopes and dreams. I spent many happy, peace filled hours here.

Off the main road was a pond that I was not allowed to go to without an adult. In my mind though, I had nothing to fear because I knew that God was with me. I would lie at the edge of the pond and listen to the sounds of the water and the bullfrogs. I delighted in watching the water lilies dance and the frogs waiting for that perfect bug to come along. Even at this tender age, I somehow knew that God was everywhere and a part of every living thing and that I belonged to Him. This was the beginning of my journey to Carmel.

My life has been very interesting, to say the least. My journey has been full of twists, turns and roadblocks. I was married when I was young. I have two daughters and two sons. At the age of 33 I was diagnosed with a rare lung disease and told by the doctors that I had six to twelve months to live. In my heart I knew I was not going to die. I believed God had other plans for me. The next nine years of my life was filled with working fifty-sixty hours a week, shopping, daily exercising and trying to figure out just whom I was. This person that I looked at in the mirror every day had a face and a name but who was she, and what was this void so deep within that nothing could fill it?

In Carmel, I have not only found God but in finding God, I have found myself and the very reason for my existence; which is to serve the one who loves me and whom I love. My only desire is to have the most intimate relationship humanly possible with my Lord. Our Holy Mother Teresa says, “Whoever possesses God wants for nothing, God alone suffices.” I want for nothing. I belong to Him alone.

Sr. Nancy-Marie of Jesus